Liebe ist kann nicht sehen

my birthday

2008-02-01T19:40:42Z

my birthday is on sunday and i'm starting to get excited about it!

i have to be at work in 30 min so i have to start getting ready soon.

STILL HAPPY IN LOVE!

we're celebrating my birthday tonight with misty, anthony, and john-not sure who else.
then tomorrow at noon we're celebrating with my family at Ruggles downtown.

the only things i'm looking forward to this month is my birthday and vday then i want this month to be over with!
there's nothing i want more than to be out of here and on with the next step of my life.

well...that's all. time to get dressed.
<3

today

2007-10-23T04:03:54Z

today was a beautiful rainy and cold day

hopefully the first of many

hung out with an old old friend, and it went better than expected.
tomorrow i get to see my baby for the first time since friday

i miss him so much!

there was an offer to become a youth singer at a church.

thinking about it.

have beeen thinking about something like that for a while.

i haven't been singing for the past couple of months tho.
had my hopes shattered by someone,

so it might take a lot from me to start singing praise and worship again.

however it might be harder not to.

i'm never happier than when i'm singing God's praise.

i love you all.

keep me in your prayers

<3

wow it's been a long while

2007-10-20T01:59:17Z

so...

+i go to kingwood college
+live with holly burns in an awesome apartment
+work at Ulta near Old Navy
+still not 100% what university i'll be going to
+i have a good boyfriend-john moore

+can defend myself

+am rebuilding my shattered base on my own life.

MY LIFE IS GOOD AGAIN

the present...

2007-04-30T14:20:21Z

Prom is moving along nicely now.
+limo paid for
+Morgan's Lakehouse on Friday
+Galveston on Saturday

I've been through a lot lately. I haven't told hardly anyone what has been going on in my life, but i can't ignore it anymore. For the past two days, I haven't been able to stop crying. I'm sure many of you think this is probably about some guy, or my love life. It isn't as silly as that...i actually have a real life devastating thing happening. My base of life has been shattered, and they don't seem to understand how it effects me.
I don't think i have the strength to say what it is online yet. Or maybe it's bc i have too much pride and ignoring it seems easier.

I know now that today is all we have...that every moment is precious...to live the day to its FULLEST. Love as many ppl as you can. Love is the only thing that has kept me going. Even though it is no longer the love of a man that holds me up, i'm still made strong by love. The love of my friends, of my church, of the children i'm blessed to see new life in. I am made strong by looking into their faces and hearing them speak life into existence.

A big change was talked about yesterday...I might not be going to Texas Women's University anymore bc of "a recent change in family circumstances" instead i might be going to UofH. It has an AWESOME businness school, and it's alittle late for me to apply for the fall so i might get in for the spring. This ties into the the first paragraph of this journal.
I would be living with Christina-my best friends since 3rd grade, working, and going to school. I will have my hands full.
It's more important to me now more than ever to be independent of my parents. I can't trust them anymore. They say i can and that nothing is going to change in how they care for me, but things have to change. I know that they will change. I have to be able to defend myself.

Well i have to go. I'm already late for school

PEACE @

In New York

2007-04-26T01:09:05Z

I am currently in New York City and having a blast.
Today was the first sort of bad weather day, at the end of the day it got cold and rainy.
Today was the last day in New York. Tomorrow we go to Pittsburgh for an Astros game.
Then on Friday we're going to Niagra falls...sorta not too excited about that one. It's going to be freakin cold! It'll be the experience of a lifetime i'm sure.
We got to visit Holly on our first day up here. That was pretty much amazing. We mainly just hung out at her house. It was fun tho. I'm excited about her visiting in May.

Prom is coming up. I'm getting really excited... I'm going with my childhood sweetheart-Tommy. He's a blast to be with. I still have a lot I need to do tho...procatination not good. I still have to get jewelry, shoes, and to pay for the limo.

There is a part of me that just wants to get it over with.

Well...later.

homecoming and paramore

2006-09-10T14:49:02Z

so i think this is what i'm planning to do
i dont have a date

i'm gunna dress up...go to dinner...go see Paramore...then MAYBE go to the dance for alittle bit.

i don't think i have anyone to go with, like a group, so if u wanna join me, lemme know so we can plan something.

<3

wednesday night

2006-08-31T02:47:55Z

so this afternoon started out the most horrible evening.
i couldnt go to the drama mtg bc i had to go home early and the teacher mtg ran to late.
i was locked out of my house.
my mom said i wasn't allowed to go to church tonight, which i was really looking forward to because i really needed it but i guess i will make up for it in prayer.
then i had to clean and my shoe holder broke so that became a huge mess.

well maybe tomorrow i hope will be better.

i miss my love so much! he means everything to me! So now i'm counting down the days until homecoming,until the day i see him again.

marcus baby, i love you.

<3

today was better

2006-08-29T23:51:09Z

TODAY was much better than the past few days
I'm still behind in school but i think i can catch up
today was my first day of hope.
TOMORROW i plan to go to church. something i haven't been able to do in too long.
so i'm excited for it to be tomorrow.
I HATE Physics!
I LOVE English!

<33
LoLo

marie_lauren @ 2006-08-26T20:13:00

2006-08-27T01:16:48Z

i feel like i'm going to be crushed by a wave
i'm so tired all of the time
and i feel overwhelmed by homework
i'm really starting to doubt my decision to be in band this year.
and many of my friends agree.
i just dont know what to do.
i'm so tired of school.
i wish to be done with highschool already.
i'm just overall unhappy today and for the past few days.
it's almost like i've got nothing to live for but a life of work and no rest.
no reason for happiness.
i hope this all passes and things get easier.
but right now the light at the end of the tunnel is microscopic.

so...

2006-07-29T09:28:34Z

so it is now 4 am
thanks to a very unwanted and creepy nightmare.
.
.
.
.

so the past few days have been happy ones. which is always welcome.
yesterday i went to the dmv which wasn't very happy bc the lady cannot count! she called numbers 87,88,89,90...then...98,94,1.
it was really screwed up and made myself, natalie, court, and andrew very unhappy ppl. after that me and natalie went shopping. didn't go to well. money kinda sux. but old nave clearance kinda rox.
~
on Wednesday i went to NCC for youth with marcus. i'm real happy i was persuaded to go there and i plan to keep going. i need to work on some issues i've got in my life. God will teach me "to be strong" and to "love one another" just yet.
~
tonight i went to the movies with marcus and saw Lady in the Water. we liked it bunches! while there we discovered three familiar faces two rows behind us. it was the wonderful deborah, kayde, and lloyd! i can't wait to be able to see them more often! which will be in three days. :) they're great fun!
~
tomorrow will be fun. i go to breakfast with mom and marcus and i will be afternooning with the hokey pokeys(nat and cj, for those who dont know) swimming and a movie :)
~
personal issue:
i feel like i'll never be able to live past my old life. i won't call it my old mistakes bc i feel no regret, but i know that life today is so much better bc of the way things turned out for everyone. i just wish ppl would just let it go. i can't stand walking around with what feels like this shadow of ppl's uncertainty or unwanted caution. i pray that it will cease and a coexisting can happen again. this is my babble sry if u read it and don't like it or feel like i'm being rediculous. it might not even have anything to do with you anyways, but i am sorry.
~
God has always been there for me. No matter what. I don't have to fight for his affection or praise. He gives it to all of us abundantly. I question him when i am in pain but who am i to question such a wonderful God? It all turns out right at the end.

this night

2006-07-16T04:55:49Z

i saw while you were gone and they were amazing and i had an awesome time!
and.
now.
i am home and not so happy.
pff.
emotions.
<3

will it ever end?

2006-07-09T03:05:49Z

why do i do this to myself
i want to erase my past and most of my present
i want something new
i don't know what else to say but i need to stop doing this to myself

angry

2006-07-08T02:25:16Z

this time next year i'm pretty sure i'll be a thousand times happier than i am right now.

and this time 5 years from now i'm pretty sure i'll be infinately happier than i am now.

yeah...

Warped Tour

2006-07-01T03:29:41Z

Went to my first Warped Tour today.
It made me happy!
UnderOATH melted my face off.
and I LOVED it!!!
saw a bunch of bands that made me happy too!
Saw Andrew Cherry there.
It was much fun!
That's about it for now.
__________________________

BONFIRE!!!!!
4th of July
My House
Fireworks
Food
FUN
________________________

duality

2006-06-23T04:01:41Z

it's wierd how you can't get certain things out of your brain
the moments that everything was perfect
the ppl who found a way into your heart
there's always a part of you who wants out
there's always a part of you who wants both
there's a part that wishes it never happened
a part that wishes it'd never stop
why can't things be as they seem
only in the nightmare's do we dream
this part wants more
this part want it all.
that part wants to forget.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
i know this will make a certain someone nervous
don't worry
the past can't be changed.
and neither can the present.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
and...i'm sorry for any pain i've ever caused any one
i never meant to
i was just following my heart.
i'm sorry.
_____________________________________________________

i just wish i had someone to talk to...

Sunny California

2006-06-09T06:24:36Z

Well I'm here with my big sister Priscilla in San Diego!
I'm real excited about my trip here.
It's such a perfect beginning to this Summer.
A much needed break from this year!
The only down thing about it is I miss my friends and Marcus!
We're going to some waterfalls tomorrow, I'm excited!
It's nice here.
I can walk to Borders!! (a bookstore)
Very nice!
Well that's how it is in my Summer.
I hope yours is going well too!
Well I Love and Miss you guys SO MUCH!
<3
Lo

future

2006-05-21T15:55:26Z

it's catching up with me

i can only pray for the best

PLUS there's so much good things going on around me

like have you looked outside today! IT'S BEAUTIFUL! and i'm about to go play in it!

GOOD DAY ALL!

~Lauren

So today in History this is what i did....

2006-04-19T04:20:58Z

dream of the impossible
***********************

Consumed by a forbidden impossibility
breathless in your eyes
speechless by your smile
Always perfection by your side
cannot be together
cannot be apart
An afar glimpse gives butterflies flight
Do you remember the day?
the day the world stopped breathing
stolen moments
"what are we doing?"
"i don't know"
nor do i really care.
Make me Speechless.
Hold me Close.
Never say Goodbye.
Take my breath away.
"It's something that i want"
So Impossible.
Consumed by the forbidden impossibility.
****************************************

today was bad too,

2006-04-14T02:07:32Z

but when i was on my way home from Chili's the Moon was so bright
it sliced straight through me
clairvoyant
as if it could see through me
it knew everything
every secret in my mind
the deep desires of my heart
and for a moment, peace found me
as if that moon would lead me through
take me to the altar
where all tears would be wiped
**********************************
today ended much better
even tho the only thing different was that moon

nothing is as it seems

2006-04-13T03:22:21Z

so today i basically wanted to tear my hair out
i don't even want to go to prom anymore
i want to leave this place
go to a world where everything is clear
no confusion
just when i thought i was done with it
it comes back in a blaze_.
*sigh*
stressing out like freakin crazy!

the only good things out of today was drama try outs and the beginning of WF practice.

goodnight

when

2006-04-12T03:11:01Z

when will the weak become strong?
while we lay here
look up and watch
watch the planes fly to our dreams
to all we are
when will the trumpet sound??
find yourself in a kiss
let them consume you
the love of a child
blinded in faith
do remember the day?
the day the earth shook
our hands shivered with each other
all consuming
nothing but hysop can save
save us from this world
this web we've created
let's run away
into the arms of the saving
when will the midnight hour come?
watch those planes fly
without us

more newness

2006-03-28T23:38:44Z

now marcus is my BOYFRIEND!
yay beans!!!
<33
Lo

so it's wednesday

2006-03-22T22:12:04Z

so... i go to prom! ............. with the marcus ................ and it shall be fun ................... so not much else to say ....................... i will talk to you guys later! .............................. i love you guys!!! <33 Lauren

me-whining

2006-03-13T03:17:37Z

i hate people who've found that someone
i hate people who are happy
i hate people who know what's happening
i hate people who aren't confused
i hate people who are in love
i envy people

week of show and four days til i'm seventeen

2006-01-31T03:59:36Z

so...things have changed a bit since i've updated this...
i'm single.
almost seventeen.
can't wait til show!
it'll be real cute!!

"you cannot find peace by hiding from life"
-the hours

it's time to move on...

<3